The Fire in the Lap, a Son's Purity, and a Love That Endures
Today's reading in Proverbs hit me with a crushing weight. As I read through the verses warning against adultery and the traps of sexual sin, my mind immediately went to my son, Cash.
Cash was so incredibly pure of heart. Even after graduating high school, he was saving himself for marriage. He went to many proms and dated several girls, putting himself out there even when it meant getting his heart broken. But he was fiercely selective. He wasn't just picky about physical things; he was picky about spiritual things. He was holding out for a girl who loved God with all her heart and with all her mind.
And then, I look at my own life.
By the time I was a junior in high school, I had been sexually abused twice as a child and had lost my virginity at 16. Those early experiences and mistakes created a toxic mindset that has plagued me my entire life. I treated my spiritual walk like a failed diet: once I slipped up, I would think, "Oh well, I screwed up. Who cares if I screw up again?" Just because I slipped up once, I would let the wheels completely come off the car. I would burn everything down.
Proverbs 6:27 asks a piercing question: "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?"
I scooped the fire. And as I sat with the burns today, thinking about my sexual mess and contrasting it with Cash's beautiful, holy purity, I broke down. Oh, Cash, why couldn't it have been me who died that day instead of you? I felt utterly unworthy. Why would a holy God ever accept me?
But then I reached the second part of today's reading plan in Psalms. Over and over, the psalmist repeats a single, life-altering phrase:
His love endures forever.
I had to say it to myself repeatedly just to let the peace wash over me. His love endures forever. It doesn't matter how badly I let the wheels come off in the past; His love outlasts my unworthiness.
I know Cash is safe in the Lord's arms. While the grief is agonizing, I thank God for taking him early, preserving his pure heart, and I completely trust His sovereign judgment in how He will use Cash's story for His glory. And for me? I will continually repent, ask for forgiveness, and let the truth of Psalm 136 break my cycle of self-destruction so I can live the life God has called me to live.
Today's SOAP
S — Scripture
Proverbs 6:27 (NIV): "Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?"
Proverbs 5:22-23 (NIV): "The evil deeds of the wicked ensnare them; the cords of their sins hold them fast. For lack of discipline they will die, led astray by their own great folly."
Psalm 136:1 (NIV): "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good. His love endures forever."
O — Observation
The wisdom of Proverbs warns us that we cannot play with sin without carrying the burns. It highlights how quickly a lack of discipline can become a trap—the "cords of their sins" that hold a person fast. When we fall into the trap of self-destruction, it feels impossible to escape. However, Psalm 136 provides the ultimate, relentless counterbalance to our folly: God's enduring, infinite love.
A — Application
For most of my life, I have let the "diet mindset" control my faith. If I slipped up once, I allowed the cords of that sin to ensnare me, choosing to burn everything down rather than repent. Looking at Cash's purity made me feel the sting of those burns and the weight of my unworthiness. But I cannot stay in that place of guilt. I must replace my self-destructive mindset with the absolute truth of Psalm 136. When I fail, I will not let the wheels come off. I will immediately repent, trusting that His love endures forever, and keep moving forward.
P — Prayer
Lord, thank You for the pure, holy heart You gave my son, Cash. I thank You that he is held safely in Your arms today, and I trust Your perfect judgment in all things. Forgive me for the times I have scooped fire into my lap and destroyed the things around me out of a feeling of unworthiness. Wash away my past, heal the trauma, and break the cords of my old sins. Thank You for Your mercy. Thank You that Your love endures forever. Give me the strength to continually repent and live a life that honors You. In Jesus' name, Amen.
